This is your new blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar.
 


Comments

Sunderland on polished draft
05/18/2012 7:03am

Solid draft. Good work. I do have some comments/suggestions.

-Thesis needs a little tightening
-Put Topic Sentences on every page and at the top of the page (not bottom)
-Landing pages should have links to all associated page not just the next one
-Put "Issues of Conflict" before comparison of northern and southern economies. Also identify issues as the expansion of slavery and the tariff not specific events. You'll get to the specific events on subsequent pages but the issues remain constant and keep unity as the events change
-Put summary of south economy before north as southern economic base longer established
-Make visuals clickable/enlargeable
-overall very texty. Only complete sentences should be thesis and topic sentences. The rest of your text should be bulleted phrases. Also need to make better use of visuals.
-Set quotes off from your text more clearly with different font style and color
-More details on expansion needed (Louisiana Purchase, Mexican Cession, i.e. what is the expansion?)
-Missing piece about how southern states are losing power in gov't because of expansion (immigration cause population of north to outpace south-->imbalance in house of reps; after 1850 more free states than slave states-->imbalance in Senate; then comes election of 1860 which highlights loss of political power of slave states as all go against Lincoln and still elected.)
-map of 1860 election good. also use associated pie charts that compare popular and electoral votes (60% of voters vote against Lincoln yet still elected because of electoral system-->lots of unhappy people)
-really should include some mention of the civil war
-longstanding regionalism should probably be addressed. (Use current blue state/red state map to show)
-have separate pages for proc paper and bib
-put text of proc paper directly into weebly
-use scribd for annotated bib

Overall: 46/50

Reply



Leave a Reply